Online dating sites are now essential part of modern lifestyle for anyone looking for a casual encounters partner or true love. But both before registering on one of these sites and at the time of the first "offline" meeting, it is better to follow our advice so as not to be disillusioned, disappointed or even attempted a scam.
Find the site that's right for you
Age. Some dating sites tend to be frequented by people in their forties and beyond. Tinder is popular with younger people. The community. There are specialized sites that are taking into account users sexual orientation, religion, ethnicity, sports, pet ownership, culinary tastes, etc. The harassment. Adopt a guy and Bumble put women in charge, to limit the risk of harassment as soon as the profile is active. Meaning, as long as a woman has not taken the first step, it is impossible for a man to send her a message. The profile.The Happn and Tinder applications work on the basis of very basic profiles: it's the speed meeting that counts. Unlike, for example, eDarling and Elite Rencontre, who establish a psychological profile, based on a long questionnaire, to match the profiles of Internet users as much as possible. Between these two models, many sites operate on the basis of profiles to be filled out at your convenience.
Study formulas and prices
Several sites, including Adopt a Mech, Gleeden, OKCupid, Bumble, etc., have chosen a free service for women. Badoo, Tinder and Je Contacte are free for men and women. Apart from these cases, the optimal use of the sites supposes taking out a subscription (from 20 to 35 €/month depending on the case). Before paying, study the plans and find out about the conditions for termination and reimbursement. Some sites immediately charge a year of use without clearly announcing the options, and without the possibility of reimbursement. Usually the money return period of 14 days is applied.
Avoid lying on your profile
If your intentions are serious, it is not an option! Putting one, or better, several photos of you in various contexts is essential.
Stay safe
Don't give out your e-mail address or mobile phone number too quickly, do not expose yourself to scammers - receiving of inappropriate photos or to harassments.
Beware of scam attempts
Never respond favorably to a request for money. Also beware of prostitution, which is mainly aimed at men.
Keep an exit door for the first date
For the first meeting, if you don't feel comfortable, set the date in a public place. Tell someone you know about it.
Avoid addiction
To avoid finding yourself permanently glued to the site or application, set yourself strict rules: for example, check your messages twice a day, like once in the evening, or even… once a week!
Also look elsewhere
Dating sites aren't the only way to find people who have the same tastes and aspirations as you. Regular social media we are using every day are also a good way to establish new relationships or one time hookups.
Wednesday, June 22, 2022
What Will Online Dating Tendencies Be in
2022?
What will Online Dating Tendencies be in 2022? Bumble, a dating app, has recently released a
list of the most popular trends to be on the lookout for. Bumble calls this trend "explori-dating"
and almost half of its 8,500 users say it has them questioning their "type."
Hard-ball dating
It's important to know your boundaries when it comes to hard-ball dating. Although it might seem harsh to some, the fact is that a lot of daters shy away from sharing their intentions on a first date. In fact, 82% of daters said that they would like to be more direct in their intentions in order to improve their relationships. In short, hard-ball dating is about compatibility, not just finding the best possible date or escort nearby.
R-bombing
As an online dater, you've probably been the target of R-bombing in your online dating experiences. If you've been the victim of an R-bomb, you may not be the only one. Most modern daters have experienced this phenomenon in some form. But what exactly is R-bombing and how can you avoid it? Read on to learn more. We'll also explore the psychological side of R-bombing, and how it can negatively affect your online dating casual hookups experience.
Dry dating
One of the most popular terms in the online dating world today is 'hesidating.' A dating expert from Plenty of Fish explains that hesidating means feeling indifferent to dating and uncertain about what the future holds. It's also a term that's common among singles, making it easy to identify if you're one of those people. It can be difficult to break out of the shell of your comfort zone and start meeting new people for casual encounters.
Demand for emotional stability
Dating has been a painful experience for many, and the average dater now expects their long-term partner to be emotionally mature. In fact, 83 percent of singles now seek out partners who
have good mental health. Furthermore, 89 percent of daters want a partner who mentions that
they attend therapy. This trend is only expected to continue into the next decade. As a result, a
new study from OkCupid finds that this demand is set to increase dramatically.
Demand for physical attractiveness
Studies have found that the amount of unsolicited messages and contact with individuals is
directly related to their popularity. Users of online dating websites tend to select people with a
similar popularity as their own. This correlation is reinforced by the data from the research.
People who are popular tend to select people who are equally popular, which is another
indication of how attractive they are. The demand for physical attractiveness in online dating will
continue to increase in the next few years, according to a study.
It is customary for psychologists to break an acquaintance into several stages: the first glance, with which two appraisingly look at each other; the first 10 seconds of a comprehensive assessment of the impression produced; the first ten minutes of communication; the first hour of time spent together.
It is believed that these milestones, although they follow one another, step by step, and often, like in a computer game, mean a transition from one level to the next, possibly more difficult, but, nevertheless, are equally important for the continuation of acquaintance and the development of the future relationship. All the above statements are true for a situation when two people meet each other for the first time in real life. What happens if two meet in virtual reality? More and more users are wondering if online dating has any advantages. As is often the case, and everything in the world has its pros and cons, online dating is no exception. What is more - advantages or disadvantages?
Both psychologists and the staff of serious dating sites are confident that a good virtual acquaintance is an acquaintance that has led to a strong and harmonious relationship in real life. Of course, it's good when you have friends all over the world who will listen on Skype at any time, read or write a long heartfelt e-mail, tell you about the climate in the tropical country where they live, and help you rent an apartment during your vacation. But most of us, getting acquainted on the World Wide Web, still hope to find not only the warmth of the soul of another person but the warmth of a hand that can be touched when we meet. Thus, we accept as an axiom the fact that with a successful coincidence of circumstances, sooner or later, and with a virtual acquaintance, there will come a moment of first sight in the real world, the first 10 seconds, minutes, hours ... and all life together if you are lucky.
However, on the Internet, all the same first stages of acquaintance are somewhat modified. How does this affect the psychology of dating?
1. In real life, when we meet, we almost always cannot avoid the first glance at each other. On the Internet, photographs caress our eyes. On different dating sites, posting a photo can be optional or a prerequisite. Usually, the more serious the resource, the more strict conditions of moderation withstand the publication of images, which allows you to be sure: in the profile of the person you are interested in, you will see his photo, you will be able to see his face, the picture will really be him, and not a drawn “avatar” and not the goalkeeper of the Italian national football team Gian Luigi Buffon, the image will not contain advertisements and obscene, offensive material.
Cons: Different people are photogenic in different ways. Someone turns out better in a photo than in life, and someone does not look like himself. Many, obeying the natural desire to attract attention, are addicted to Photoshop.
Pros: in life, it is often uncomfortable for us to look at people openly, as it is unpleasant for us ourselves when strangers shamelessly "stare" at us. When we meet on the Web, comfortably sitting in our favorite chair at the computer, in slippers and a dressing gown, with a mug of tea, we can look at the photo for as long as we like. At least under a magnifying glass.
2. The fleeting 10 seconds of the very first general impression, formed in real life from information that almost all the senses give us at the first moment of acquaintance, replaces the general impression of the questionnaire when we meet on a specialized site. In life, we unconsciously analyze not so much a person's appearance (the anatomy of his face and figure), but how he is dressed (cleanly, carelessly, sloppy, unpretentious, elegant, tasteful, stylish), the condition of shoes, hairstyles, nails, skin of hands, etc. On the website, we are more conscious, and, as a rule, we evaluate the vis-a-vis questionnaire in more detail and in detail (how complete, how it is framed, straightforwardness and openness, style and manner of presenting information).
Cons: most often, when we first meet in the virtual world, we do not hear the voice greeting us, we do not feel the smell of a new acquaintance. And the opportunity to carefully think over and work out the appearance of our page deprives us of the opportunity to see a person at the moment of improvisation.
Pros: sometimes a person looks good, but the smell is such that thanks to my computer for the opportunity not to smell the interlocutor. In addition, the Internet makes it possible to immediately glean more information from the questionnaire of the person you are interested in than in real life we get not even for one, but two or three dates. And time to "digest" the available information.
3. During the first ten minutes of the meeting, the couple usually exchanges polite, meaningless phrases, trying to strike up and maintain a conversation. On the Internet, correspondence usually begins with the so-called "small" conversations of politeness.
Cons: again, correspondence gives more chances to think over the phrase, depriving the virtual conversation of some spontaneity and, at the same time, naturalness.
Pros: You, too, have the opportunity to better express your thoughts. And also assess the literacy of speech, how carefully your pen friend treats the language. The duration of the correspondence depends only on you.
4. On the first date, people usually have a good time, walking in a romantic place (park or public garden), or doing something together. Something that both love, like rollerblading or painting (if both are artists). At least this is how psychologists recommend planning a first date. Also, experts advise, after a walk or other joint activity, to drink coffee or tea in a cozy cafe, without deafening music, so that you can end a successfully started day with a warm conversation in a calm atmosphere. On a dating site, the first, modest, and minimalist meal is replaced by the same correspondence.
Cons: it is very important to see how a person behaves at the table, how he takes food (even if it's just a light salad or just a cake); whether he chomps, puts his elbows on the table, or keeps them suspended. Very often we like a person, but annoying to the point of a toothache, how noisily he sips tea from a mug. And we understand that we will not be able to listen to this smacking every day.
Pros: if you carefully examined the photo of the user you like (and he did the same with yours), studied each other's profiles, entered into correspondence, brute force the initial awkwardness, and you are interested and pleasant to communicate, - most likely, you still have something ahead of you, and then, how he drinks a milkshake through a straw, you will not be embarrassed, because most likely you do it in the same way.
Modern dating world is easy to be successful in dating. With so many sites, apps, and social media networks, it's easier than ever to meet girls online - whether you're looking for a casual date, a relationship, or even a LTR or a future wedding.
Here are the 4 best ways to do it:
Some experts claim that now (2021), more than 57 million people use online dating sites. Whether you are single or not single, you are missing out on the easiest, fastest way to meet not only single girls, but married and attached women as well.
We've tested many of dating sites, so we know which ones are worth your time. Our favorites are Adultfriendfinder, POF, Tinder, OkCupid, Zoosk, eHarmony and BeNaughty.
Dating apps have become extremely popular because they are fun and easy - not to mention the fact that you can date anyone from anywhere. We are big fans of this:
Tinder: The dating app if you want to date someone.
Hinge: For meeting like-minded people through friends of friends on Facebook.
Bumble: Empowers women by only allowing them to make first contact.
There are even some based on religion - JDate for Jewish people, ChristianMingle for Christians, etc. As you can see, there really is something for everyone online.
Meetings bring together groups of people based on their mutual interests, and there are many different groups based on a number of different activities: cooking, hiking, painting, music, bowling, etc. Choose the activity you enjoy and you will meet like-minded people.
Meetup.com is a great place to find people online and attend fun events with them in person.
Sign up for Meetup.com, search for events in your area, and attend as many as possible. The key is to go. Not only will you be able to interact with different types of people, but you will also be able to broaden your horizons, learn a new skill, or find a new hobby.
Facebook is probably the best social media site for meeting women online because the ice is easy to break. All you have to do is read a girl's posts and comment below. As soon as she answers, you can start talking on Facebook Messenger. And because you're the friend of a friend, she can feel safe around you from the start.
Instagram is also a choice, but it's a more laid back environment. You often have the opportunity to see girls partying, on vacation, or just hanging out with friends. Leave a comment on a photo or something she's posted and try to back and forth a bit back and forth. Once she's comfortable with you, suggest her to switch to private messaging and even texting.
Dating girls online doesn't have to be difficult or intimidating. Now that you've been told where to find them, you just need to start doing it. Your next date, next friend, or your next relationship might be right around the corner.
Divorced people have more sex than their married or unmarried counterparts, retired people also love more often than working men and women. According to a British study:
Separation
From a survey of 1,800 Britons showed that 11 percent of divorced people over 21 have sex once a month, almost double time more than married couples and more than cohabiting, singles and widows. 68 percent of divorced men and women between 6 and 20 have sex once a month, which is more than the married (44 percent), cohabiting (43 percent) or single (38 percent) Brits. “Many married people are taking sex for granted, but divorced men often want a ‘taste’ of their regained freedom,” says British psychologist Rosie Campbell.
Pension
The impact of the stress related to work and family life is also clear, some retired people have sex twice as much then young people with a full time job. 29 percent of retirees have sex more than 11 times per month, compared with 24 percent of those with a full time job and 20 percent of part-timers. Psychologist Gary Fitzgibbon: “Over the last ten years many workers complain about stress, this is clearly a bad influence on the sexual performance of men. Many people with a busy career enjoy intimacy more than sex. It is not necessary to wait until you retire to make your sex life better, you can take other measures such as regular exercise. ”
Infidelity
The survey also shows that 22 percent of men over 55 years already took Viagra, 37 percent of women have a sex toy. Confidence is the most important aspect of a sexual relationships, then comes friendship, humor and financial stability, sex was only on the fifth place. Seventy percent of men are watching porn. 34 percent of Britons claim that their sex life peaked between the 25th and 34th. A quarter of the participants had been unfaithful. Young people remain the most faithful: those between 35 and 44 years have two and half times more likely to start an affair than those between 18 and 24 years.
Online dating has just become even more difficult because of the COVID-19 virus pandemic. But that does not mean you can not start new relationships even though you're in lockdown situation right now.
You may be surprised to discover this, but a worldwide pandemic might not be all sad news for your sex life. If you have wanted to hook-up online, or have a habit of rushing into online casual dating, then social distancing can give you an opportunity to boost your sex life.
Not being able to meet in person other than a walk at two meters does not feel like it will do your love and sex life any better. One of the options is to start meeting people on webcam hook-ups.
But, really, that may not be the case. Online dating analytics say that users are now, during coronavirus lockdown era, spending an average of eight hours a week seeking flings online, so your potential future one-night-stand partner could be out there waiting for you to check his/hers online dating profile!
Social distancing hasn't succeeded much in reducing people's desire to meet and hookup during corona pandemic time.
If anything, sexually active peoples' need for personal interaction is even bigger at this time. Although you might not have much possibilities to new acquaintances now, other than a distanced promenade in public places, dating without hurrying and getting to know each other before you meet actually has some good points.
If you feel like from time to time your best personal features are left unnoticed by your new online friend, or you’re somehow always choosing the wrong person to form hook-up with, then going back to essentials and using this quarantine time to get to know your partner better will help you to create more emphatic and effective relationship.
Like it or not, a divorce is a battle for almost every man who faces it. There are cultural issues at play here, including man’s own beliefs.
Here are 8 tips and tricks for men that will help you get over the divorce.
-Know your results. It is important that you know why you want the divorce.
It may have been a time of love, but now she is out of herself and you must take the same approach. This does not mean shouting matches. Stay calm, much of divorce is to keep your head together so that you could make reasonable choices and decisions.
-Stay away from the trial.
I know a couple who spent thousands of dollars to fight over who will get the dog. You may love your dog, but you really do not want to fight about it. The only ones who win are the lawyers.
-Manage your own case.
You can have a lawyer but you should to manage your case yourself. Your lawyer can be a good one, but you are the person most interested in your divorce. Do not try to outsource it, but to understand the process. If you and your wife are not communicating to each other and are not friendly any more to each other, consider a possibility of some mediator’s or counselor’s assistance. If you decide to do so,it will help you to understand the divorce process even deeper (I mean that you would have the opportunity see the process from your wife’s prospective). Know that women file for divorce at twice the rate as men.
-Keep positive.
More than one divorce has been lost because a man has become depressed. Do whatever it takes to get you out of that. See the future as you want it to be after the divorce and to keep this vision in mind. If you are strong enough this will not only keep you positive, but it will also attract this result.
Singles react differently to new acquaintances as determined who is dating. This can only confirm researchers at the University of Indiana to their experiments. But you limit: The relationship applies only to women who are stuck in a relationship. In men, they found no measurable difference.
For the study, researchers confronted their subjects with digital photos on the laptop.
The 59 heterosexual men and 56 women aged 17 to 26 years were asked to
rate 510 photos that people their gender and age group showed. Once there was a question whether the picture is distorted or not. Another time, asked to rate the attractiveness of the people displayed the test participants. Furthermore, the researchers asked the volunteers to their judgment, for how male or female they kept the person depicted. Your decisions they should each take "from the gut" and enter as soon as possible with a keyboard shortcut.
21 of the 56 women had a sex partner at the time of testing, 25 of the men
The evaluations of ratings and reaction times revealed statistically
significant differences among the women, its affiliated women attacked a
few fractions of a second faster in the keys than the unbound. The researchers interpreted the shortened reaction time as an expression of reduced interest in the opposite sex.
The result could indicate a relatively strong binding of the women to
their partners that may suppress their attention and appreciation for
alternative nsa partners, though married but still looking for a flirt is not a rare between women.
At work it is often difficult to find partners. No wonder that more and more online dating services on the Internet entice you with great love. Is this the right way? You should keep in mind when dating. For those looking for true love, the network seems to be the perfect place. There are numerous online dating services, whose members are interested in flirting.
And there are dating sites, which often try to merge people with
psychological tests and it is rather their members to establish
long-term commitment. The boundaries are blurred. Just love on the web is still not to be found. There lurking pitfalls of fake profiles to questionable business conditions. Online dating services are sometimes free, but often a fee is charged. The tend to be more expensive dating sites users fill out a questionnaire to get then proposed matching members.
Too much one should the so-called matching but do not expect, even if
the provider "almost everything under the sun" would promise, warns the
Stiftung Warentest has tested the portals.
Users should read terms and conditions
Especially with paid portals users should sure to read the terms and conditions before signing up, advises the Foundation. They should pay particular attention to duration and notice. It is also important how to deal with the user data.
Basically, the experts recommend beginners to first test a free dating portal. Who then decides on a paid provider, you should register only non-binding and free of charge only once. He can other then indeed perhaps even post any messages or see any pictures, but gets often a good overview.
It may also be that the provider the "onlooker" a more favorable contract offer is made, partly with shorter maturities.
Anyone up for a free trial membership with full functionality, you
should terminate quickly if he does not want to stay with the portal. Otherwise, the trial membership is perhaps in an expensive and long-term membership.
"If I want to fight it, it can definitely be annoying," says Julia Rehberg of the Consumer Hamburg. "This is why you should definitely choose only once a short term and ensure how the right to terminate again." Also in the 14-day right of withdrawal prepare some portal problems.
Those who have already sent some messages to other members, which is a
revocation often made difficult or who is unlawfully bills for messages
sent or the matching test.
At the beginning of the more romantic part of the Online Dating is always the self-representation. The potential partner should learn as much as possible about the seeker. Undisguised honesty is particularly important to remind the product testers. This includes a recent photo if possible, best a portrait. Lies or exaggerations often fly on the very first date. Nevertheless, users should try to stand out with an original profile.
The search filter, it is possible accurately to adjust, so you do not sink into partner proposals of the portal. Even with age group and province can be the partner pool to shrink significantly. If report other members, it says reply the same, so you will not be removed from their list.
Users should new contacts many questions from a list on which they
write down what is important to them, advises the Stiftung Warentest. Moreover, it is important to give up his anonymity is not too fast.
Caution and skepticism are advised when to report sexy women or men with stunning images. Because that could not love, but look as modern marriage swindler money (Romance Scamming).
"When something like that you should never believe in miracles, but
always turn to common sense," advises Falk Murko of the Stiftung
Warentest. Basically you should send money to anyone or call about expensive service numbers.
Often, the scammers also try to communicate as quickly as possible away
from the portal towards private e-mail traffic or on obscure websites
direct. But even away from staunchly fraud abound on the portals false identities (fakes).
A separation is always associated with a difficult and often long-pain phase. Even longer it can be, thanks to social networks. Apparently not so socially, what? For through social media, we gain less distance to our exes and can contact us anytime again confront with our ex-partnership.
Tips and tricks to get over a lost love through it are many. Almost always they include the point: gain distance, refrain to quickly forget can.
Time does not heal all wounds
Not the very best help are social media.
Experts believe that the actually rather critically, because who
confronted constantly with posts and photos of the Ex-Partners/der
ex-partner, acts an important factor to overcome a breakup contrary: the
time. The heals all wounds and is well known, especially in terms of separating the remedy par excellence. Most one can actually do little to handle the pain of separation.
Anyone who follows but in social networks, where the / ex is on the
road with whom or whether he / she has deleted from the common time old
pictures, usually doing yourself any favors.
Discipline helps to process the pain of separation
There is only one: Absolute discipline. Social networks make it easy to follow the lives of those with whom we actually have no contact otherwise.
That may indeed be from time to time interesting and informative, but
might be dangerous: things that should better forget we for the sake of
one's own mind, can not be so easily forgotten by the more or less
voluntary confrontation.
Only those who educates himself to discipline, the once beloved
Ex-Partner/die one beloved ex-partner is not always looking in the
social network and / or they removed him even from the "friends list",
can overcome the separation time.
Courting the lady of your choice with the following tips and you could win a woman's heart.If you yourself were unlucky in love before, you know that you can not force someone to fall in love with you.You can increase your chance for a happy ending with the lady of your choice, however, by following the tips below.
Listen
Do you have an ear for the problems of your beloved. Should she doing digress slightly, so do not push it, but listen patiently. Do you offer any hasty solutions. Give your heart lady just your attention, while discharges steam, explained their situation and reflects on possible solutions.
Make compliments
Most women invest time and effort to pick up the tab look good. Show your date that their effort paid off by making her compliments. You will appreciate the attention.
When you are on their side
Support your partner in their decisions. Do you understand her feelings. Show that you are proud of their achievements, and also keep in setbacks to her.
Be Cavalier
The old school has already helped so many to a new romance, so please be courteous and charming. Keep the door open and help your companion from the mantle.
If you only have eyes for you
The strabismus after other women makes you bored and rude act on a date. Focus therefore prefer entirely on the wife. Give her the feeling, the only woman to be in the room, then you win her heart in flight.
Leave a message
Whether after the first or tenth Date : Tell your date that you have enjoyed the time with her and can not wait to see them again.
Say it with flowers
Do not wait for a special occasion, a few to get your loved one to give flowers . Surprise her with a bouquet on her life, or send her flowers to the office. Through this kind attentions your heart lady feels attractive and sought after. How to win a woman's heart with ease.
Do not make your beloved the cleaning lady
It is you might not be aware, but with every wet towel that cancels
your girlfriend, and with each carelessly left lying underpants, she
wears for laundry basket, your romance wears off.
Stay relaxed
Stay left at problems and see about little annoyances once away. A sober appearance in stressful situations, you can still be in the eyes of your partner seem more attractive.
Enchant friends and family
Do not just make the lady of your heart the yard, but you also meet their friends and family members with charm and respect. To quickly establish your reputation as a good catch.
Do not gossip about their related parties
If you do not have to say about a friend or family member of your heart Lady Positive, then you better say nothing.
Finally, your sweetheart lays certainly no value that you speak
negatively about people who have played long before you play an
important role in their lives.
Search their advice
Seek advice from your chosen one, if you have a problem. By consult them, you show her that their advice - and they - will appreciate.
Do not forget your own interests
Although your partner plays a big role in your life, it should not be your only concern. Do not forget to spend time with your friends and your hobbies and passions to pursue. In this way, you not only lead a fulfilling life, but stay for the woman at your side interesting.
Be on time
Be sure to arrive at your appointments. A lateness because you are stuck in traffic or have miscalculated the time, though can be forgiven. Come but habitually late, then you give the impression that the time of your counterpart is less precious than your own.
Imagine your partner your family
By keeping your loved one with your family make known, show the parties how serious you mean it. By the way, your partner can feel the basis of which, how do you deal with your family, take a picture of what they in a longer-term relationship expected.
Surprise them
Amaze your beloved with the scarf she has recently admired or hide a love letter in the book they are reading. By surprise your girlfriend from time to time, you show her that it is not commonplace for you.
Nurture your partner
Stand with your loved ones with cough drops, hot soup and help with crossword puzzles to the side when she has a cold.
The fact that you help her in moments where she looks neither feels
particularly at home nor particularly adorable, it shows that you are
really serious. If you follow this advice, you will win a woman's heart with ease. But be careful: you can not adjust and stay authentic! After all, you but also feel good.
Happy dating and then this: Another man no longer comes to us from the head. Cheating is indeed taboo - but sometimes we dream of our spare-lover in mind and ask ourselves, "What if ..."
A happy, harmonious relationship, after all that is what we all crave, right? Security, confidence, reliability, a partner with whom it feels good and right. But when we finally found the man who fills us all our Harmony dreams - then we sometimes lack but something. What exactly, we usually do not even know. Until someone comes into our lives, there is in us: that tingling Flirt, we had almost forgotten. The feeling of being incredibly sexy and interesting. Admiration and like a bit of desire, a thick piece of cream cake for our ego up. The man who all the triggers in us is just not the man for life - we have already. He is the man for special tasks, the Stimulators, the man who makes sure that we (again) feel good. Carsten is a man in Catherine's life. "You I've always wanted to know," he said at the time to her when the two met by chance two years ago at a reading. The 36 - year-old is press officer at a small publishing house, he freelance editor. "Our first conversation was a flirt. But at the same time it seemed to me as if I was meeting an old friend again. Everything felt safe and warm, "she says. Catherine was then married for three years, Carsten lived in divorce. And gave full throttle: The very next day he reported. Catherine agreed to a date. "I felt safe because I was tied up," she explains the step. Nevertheless, she was nervous at that time: "As a married woman will not you meet often with men. I decided to make a clear signal that I just want to flirt - and interesting conversation about literature.
But I was wondering: What does he want from me? "Well, Carsten had
interests that went beyond a flirt, like Katharina found on linguine
with mussels and a little too much Lugana?. "Of course I realized that he finds me attractive," she says. "But I also had the feeling that he perceives something from me, that goes beyond the sex appeal. Myself, my personality" Since that night they find themselves. Each week, always in secret. Because they can not help and do not want. From a cute flirt, says Katharina, a sense of deeper connection had grown. Of course, she often wonders: Is this love? And what has it to do with my marriage? "I enjoy well what Carsten brings to me, admiration and attention," she reasons. "He looks at me again and again, because he does not have me. Jan, my husband can not give me that. For this, we just know each other too well. Carsten, however, has not yet become accustomed to me. " U.S. psychologists have found a word for Carstens place in Catherine's world: back-up mate.
The in a safe place (in your head - no evidence, no trace) kept
Replacement partner is used in case something goes wrong in the main
system. The plan would remain. A relationship phenomenon, by the way, not as proven by statistics.
But if we ask around we are Carsten and Catherine no longer the only
ones who play a shimmering-easy game in the age of text messaging and
e-mail - and that without having sex ...
Such a relationship is less passionate than a fling and moves playfully
between the poles of friendship and eroticism, "says Munich
psychoanalyst and couples therapist Wolfgang Schmidbauer.
Because even if you feel attracted to each other, at least one denies
both the way to bed, otherwise claims and jealousy would be difficult to
control. Cheating in the classical sense never came into question for Catherine. As she remains adamant. Although she feels the eroticism between them. "Our enthusiasm for books is really just a guise to be able to see safely can. At least from my side. But even if it tingles, I pretend that I would not notice. Because what if I like to sleep with him? "It would make Catherine's life upside down, and she does not want. You want to stay in each case with her husband. Flirt yes, no exiting.
