It is customary for psychologists to break an acquaintance into several stages: the first glance, with which two appraisingly look at each other; the first 10 seconds of a comprehensive assessment of the impression produced; the first ten minutes of communication; the first hour of time spent together.
It is believed that these milestones, although they follow one another, step by step, and often, like in a computer game, mean a transition from one level to the next, possibly more difficult, but, nevertheless, are equally important for the continuation of acquaintance and the development of the future relationship. All the above statements are true for a situation when two people meet each other for the first time in real life. What happens if two meet in virtual reality? More and more users are wondering if online dating has any advantages. As is often the case, and everything in the world has its pros and cons, online dating is no exception. What is more - advantages or disadvantages?
Both psychologists and the staff of serious dating sites are confident that a good virtual acquaintance is an acquaintance that has led to a strong and harmonious relationship in real life. Of course, it's good when you have friends all over the world who will listen on Skype at any time, read or write a long heartfelt e-mail, tell you about the climate in the tropical country where they live, and help you rent an apartment during your vacation. But most of us, getting acquainted on the World Wide Web, still hope to find not only the warmth of the soul of another person but the warmth of a hand that can be touched when we meet. Thus, we accept as an axiom the fact that with a successful coincidence of circumstances, sooner or later, and with a virtual acquaintance, there will come a moment of first sight in the real world, the first 10 seconds, minutes, hours ... and all life together if you are lucky.
However, on the Internet, all the same first stages of acquaintance are somewhat modified. How does this affect the psychology of dating?
1. In real life, when we meet, we almost always cannot avoid the first glance at each other. On the Internet, photographs caress our eyes. On different dating sites, posting a photo can be optional or a prerequisite. Usually, the more serious the resource, the more strict conditions of moderation withstand the publication of images, which allows you to be sure: in the profile of the person you are interested in, you will see his photo, you will be able to see his face, the picture will really be him, and not a drawn “avatar” and not the goalkeeper of the Italian national football team Gian Luigi Buffon, the image will not contain advertisements and obscene, offensive material.
Cons: Different people are photogenic in different ways. Someone turns out better in a photo than in life, and someone does not look like himself. Many, obeying the natural desire to attract attention, are addicted to Photoshop.
Pros: in life, it is often uncomfortable for us to look at people openly, as it is unpleasant for us ourselves when strangers shamelessly "stare" at us. When we meet on the Web, comfortably sitting in our favorite chair at the computer, in slippers and a dressing gown, with a mug of tea, we can look at the photo for as long as we like. At least under a magnifying glass.
2. The fleeting 10 seconds of the very first general impression, formed in real life from information that almost all the senses give us at the first moment of acquaintance, replaces the general impression of the questionnaire when we meet on a specialized site. In life, we unconsciously analyze not so much a person's appearance (the anatomy of his face and figure), but how he is dressed (cleanly, carelessly, sloppy, unpretentious, elegant, tasteful, stylish), the condition of shoes, hairstyles, nails, skin of hands, etc. On the website, we are more conscious, and, as a rule, we evaluate the vis-a-vis questionnaire in more detail and in detail (how complete, how it is framed, straightforwardness and openness, style and manner of presenting information).
Cons: most often, when we first meet in the virtual world, we do not hear the voice greeting us, we do not feel the smell of a new acquaintance. And the opportunity to carefully think over and work out the appearance of our page deprives us of the opportunity to see a person at the moment of improvisation.
Pros: sometimes a person looks good, but the smell is such that thanks to my computer for the opportunity not to smell the interlocutor. In addition, the Internet makes it possible to immediately glean more information from the questionnaire of the person you are interested in than in real life we get not even for one, but two or three dates. And time to "digest" the available information.
3. During the first ten minutes of the meeting, the couple usually exchanges polite, meaningless phrases, trying to strike up and maintain a conversation. On the Internet, correspondence usually begins with the so-called "small" conversations of politeness.
Cons: again, correspondence gives more chances to think over the phrase, depriving the virtual conversation of some spontaneity and, at the same time, naturalness.
Pros: You, too, have the opportunity to better express your thoughts. And also assess the literacy of speech, how carefully your pen friend treats the language. The duration of the correspondence depends only on you.
4. On the first date, people usually have a good time, walking in a romantic place (park or public garden), or doing something together. Something that both love, like rollerblading or painting (if both are artists). At least this is how psychologists recommend planning a first date. Also, experts advise, after a walk or other joint activity, to drink coffee or tea in a cozy cafe, without deafening music, so that you can end a successfully started day with a warm conversation in a calm atmosphere. On a dating site, the first, modest, and minimalist meal is replaced by the same correspondence.
Cons: it is very important to see how a person behaves at the table, how he takes food (even if it's just a light salad or just a cake); whether he chomps, puts his elbows on the table, or keeps them suspended. Very often we like a person, but annoying to the point of a toothache, how noisily he sips tea from a mug. And we understand that we will not be able to listen to this smacking every day.
Pros: if you carefully examined the photo of the user you like (and he did the same with yours), studied each other's profiles, entered into correspondence, brute force the initial awkwardness, and you are interested and pleasant to communicate, - most likely, you still have something ahead of you, and then, how he drinks a milkshake through a straw, you will not be embarrassed, because most likely you do it in the same way.
